Welcome to the only music awards ceremony on the internet where the trophy’s a .png file I made in five minutes and the judge hasn’t slept properly in three days.
Music awards shows are usually a proper bore. So I’ll make this quick.
You have to sit through hours of over produced nonsense, listen to millionaires thank their life coaches, and pretend that a manufactured pop song is high art. I’m not doing that. This is the Wotstheverdict Music Awards, where I actually care about the music, even if I’m going to be deeply sarcastic about everything else.
I’ve sifted through the noise, ignored the algorithm’s desperate attempts to make me listen to acoustic covers of indie pop songs, and picked the absolute best I’ve heard this month. No corporate sponsors, and no media training. Just pure, unadulterated taste.
Let’s get into the winners.
Track of the Month: “Waterfall” by The Stone Roses
If you don’t understand why this song is winning, hand your aux cord in right now and go listen to white noise.
“Waterfall” is a masterclass in how to make a song sound completely effortless while actually being airtight. John Squire’s guitar doesn’t just play melodies; it ripples right through your skull, doing this jangly, psychedelic dance that makes you feel like you’re walking through a Manchester rainstorm wearing a bucket hat you bought on depop. And Ian Brown look, we all know his live vocals can sometimes sound like a bloke shouting down a drain, but on record? Impeccable. He sounds completely bored, utterly arrogant, and entirely untouchable all at once. That is the exact attitude rock music lost and desperately needs to steal back.
Record of the Month: Gorillaz (2001) – Gorillaz
Let’s address the elephant in the room: yes, a cartoon band beat out half the legends of rock history this month. And no, I don’t care.
When Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett dropped this self titled debut in 2001, music snobs didn’t know what to do with themselves. It’s a virtual band that shouldn’t work on paper, yet it completely outclasses ninety percent of the guitar bands trying to recapture the indie landfill days. It blends trip hop, dub, Latin grooves, and slacker rock into something genuinely seamless. Tracks like “Clint Eastwood” aren’t just nostalgia bait; they’re absolute blueprints for how genres can cross pollinate without sounding like a corporate playlist designed for a coffee shop. It’s grimy, futuristic, and sounds better on a good pair of headphones than almost anything released in that decade.
Band of the Month: The Clash
I gave Gorillaz the record, but the overall crown has to go to The Clash.
If your favourite modern rock band spent half as much time creating with actual conviction like The Clash did, modern music wouldn’t sound so sterile. They took raw, foaming at the mouth punk rock and had the sheer audacity to inject reggae, ska, and rockabilly into it because they refused to be boxed in by scene politics. The Clash weren’t just playing instruments; they were throwing punches at the establishment while writing hooks that still sound bigger than anything currently sitting in the charts. They are the benchmark. Deal with it.
That’s it for this month’s music awards. Keep your headphones on, stop listening to chart toppers written by an algorithm, or committee of six people in Los Angeles.
I’ll see you next month.
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